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Summer of 2011 August 23, 2011

Posted by Bethems in Uncategorized.
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This past summer/ year has been a really tough one… People who have been abuse live with it all their lives… Especially the sexually abused, it is a life long fight for them.

This past year I have gained a niece and nephew and have been administratively withdrawn from a school that I really enjoyed. I was withdrawn because I was having problems socially and emotionally…Jumping in to a classroom setting along with moving away from my mom was way too much change all at one time…

Then I moved back into my mom’s house and my sisters and their newly gained kids were all living there. It was quite a change from having a ton to keep me busy, I had basically nothing to do… No school, no friends that lived in the next room… Nothing… About 2 months after I got back, I started working again part-time before I went nuts because I can not handle not doing anything…

It is usually best for victims of abuse to slowly adapt to change and not have too much change going on at one time.

But things are looking up again… I will be taking one class at the community college along with working part-time and living at home… It hope that it all goes better this time…


Life Now May 10, 2011

Posted by Bethems in Present.
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Right now there are 2 babies living in the house with me and my family… They are my niece and nephew who happen to be exactly 3 months apart… With the last one being born only a week and a half ago…

With the babies living here and crying, it brings back some memories from my childhood…

I suffer from PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder. And the babies are triggers for some of my PTSD… SO it can be hard to handle at times… I find that the way that I make it through the day is to call up a friend that knows me really well and talk to them… I also will occasionally draw or do some sort of creative things… I have recently started reading again… For a while I really did not have a lot of time to read but now that I am not currently attending college and I am only working part time, I have a lot more free time on my hands. Most of the time, the thing that works best for me is to distract myself from things that are happening at home and to just take a really long walk with the dog or just sit outside and observe the sky and nature… Since it has started to warm I am able to get out of the house more and spend more than a couple of minutes standing or sitting outside.

Growing Up May 3, 2011

Posted by Bethems in Past.

After my mom, my older sister, and I left the area that my bio father was in, my mom found another guy to marry. He ended up not being the best to help raise two little girls. My mom married my first step-father a month before one of my younger sisters was born…

I have very few memories of my childhood before age 8… And I have been told that it is because I have multiple personality disorder…. All my memories from age 8 through 15 were of me being sexually abused by the one person that was supposed to be protecting me, my step-father. I got out of that situation, but only after I got up the courage to tell some one about what was going on at home.

My mom raised me and my 3 sisters all by her self from the time I was 16 to the September after I turned 17. My mom finally found a guy that really was a really nice guy! They got married pretty quickly, not really giving me much time to get used to the fact that I would have another man in my life… He was going to be my second step-father and at the time I was not able to trust guys at all… In fact I had a really huge fear of guys! I could not even be in a room with a guy without freaking out!

I was able to accept the fact that my mom was getting married another time… And I was glad that she was willing to make accommodations to make sure that I felt 100% safe! But not long after they were married we found out that he at an advanced stage of lung cancer…

Places Where I Grew Up April 28, 2011

Posted by Bethems in Past.
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I lived in may different places when I was growing up. Our family seemed to move a lot. We have lived in Fort Polk and Leesville, Louisiana; Poplarville and Picayune, Mississippi; and Westerville and Delaware, Ohio. We lived in Louisiana for about 2 years, Mississippi for about 8, and finally we moved to Ohio and have been up here for approximately 11 years now. We may not have lived in may different towns or states but we did live in a lot of different houses in each town. In fact since we moved to Delaware in 2002 we have moved 4 times, although that is not as bad as when we were living in MS. It seemed like we were moving every year!

Birth April 28, 2011

Posted by Bethems in Past.
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I was born in Louisiana on a Military Base. My parents are Patty and Jeff.

Practically from the moment I was born I was getting abused. My own father tried to kill me at least 8 times. He would always feel guilty after I became unconscious and would resuscitate me. My own mother did not think that anything was going on when she left me alone with him, even though I had bruises on my chest from when he would “bring me back!” After he broke my right arm and collar-bone, he was court marshaled out of the Army and was ordered to stay out of my life. I went to live with foster parents while everything got sorted out. He broke those bones when I was only 5 months old. So small and defenseless. He later told me that it was the stress of the Army that made him do it… But I don’t believe that lie for one moment! He had a choice of hurting me or not!

I can wish with all my life that no child goes through any thing that I have endured growing up, but the best thing that I can do is tell my story and maybe I can help others that may be in the same situation I am.

(I did not learn of this until I was 18 and wanted to go meet him in person. My own mother told me the story the day before I boarded the bus to go and spend what ended up to be 6 weeks with him.)

All adults have a choice of hurting the children that they are in charge of protecting and taking care of! If the adults make the wrong choice and hurt a child, that child is affected for the rest of their life! The adult have that they can make decisions and those decisions always affect others in their lives, even children of all ages!!